Sunday, October 23, 2005

Dating Jesus, pt 3: So Done

The experiment has failed.

I’ve lost the impetus to look for a progressive guy of faith – at least online. It’s clear the PGoF is as fictional as the unicorn or the centaur. If he exists, the PGoF already has a girlfriend/wife, doesn’t need a date or is so socially successful he doesn’t need online dating, or he’s busy with a rally, a march or the latest action directive from MoveOn. Hm.

Or, maybe I’ve just lost patience looking for the PGoF . Or, maybe all the ChurchGuy ickiness out there just skeeved me out. This is more likely.

In any case, I’ve stopped. The whole search was depressing and has made me think about a few things:

Is there really someone for everyone? The older I get, the less I believe this.

Is companionship a spiritual gift? If so, perhaps not everyone has it; many of the men I encountered make me think this…and my own aversion to them made me think this also.

Is God a bit of a killjoy? I mean, if we, as His creation, are hardwired for coupling (and I’m making an assumption there) does He couple us with only what is good for us? For instance, I’m sure a lot of the men I came across (even the few who emailed me) thought they could do me some good, and vice versa. After all, there were all those children to be nurtured and clothed. But that’s clearly not enough for me, or I’d have been married to a man in my father’s church back when I was in college.

So am I going against some ultimate God plan to be a godly woman by rejecting these men or by thinking they’re weird? Are men like these the broccoli women like me are supposed to eat instead of a bowl of yummy pudding?

Where is the freaking Christian pudding??

These aren't very serious thoughts. They're not big theological questions; they're church versions of 'where are all the good men'? Boring, I admit. Then again, so are churchguys. Why is the average churchguy so effing unappealing?

(And no, the answer is not I'm not spiritual enough to discern the average church guy's inner goodness. I've seen the inner goodness and it looks like oppression to me.)

Anyway, enough with the navel gazing. Back to dating plain old freaky progressive guys. So much simpler.


Xpatriated Texan said...

It's an incredibly romantic idea that there is someone out there who is the perfect match for you. I don't know if I'd say you can find that promise anywhere in the Bible, though. The closest you come, I think, is God's curse upon Adam and Eve - which already has too much rhetoric hanging on it.

I think that dating within the church can be boring - I know I didn't limit myself. What I found is someone whose spirituality doesn't exactly match mine, but does form a nice companion for it. Her spirituality, her faith, is much more open than mine to sources outside of traditional Judeo-Christian thought. As a result, during our time together, my faith has been strengthened and expanded to see things to which I would otherwise be blind.

I suppose what I'm saying is that perhaps, if God does want you to be with someone (and I have some problems with that terminology) then I think it is just as likely that that person will belong to some other church, or perhaps will not like church at all.

Hope that makes sense.


ding said...

it does make sense and thanks for pointing out the irony that the romantic model of human relationships is God's curse.

who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Anonymous said...

I think that Xpatriated Texan has something there: someone who complements you.

you don't want to date YOU. you aren't looking for a pet, either.

just as there's bio diversity, there's 'romantic diversity'.

guy reader

ding said...

but i'm great! i think a masculine version of ding would be ... uh...

yeah, you're right. diversity is key. me dating ME would suck.

Anonymous said...

Pudding? Yummy. Maybe in another life Ding-but for now, just enjoy being a woman, and by no means settle for less then what you would want to put up with for the rest of your life.

Thanks for being so honest!

ding said...

yeah, it'll be me and my honesty...holding hands...walking into the future together.

thanks for stopping by!