the 'number' is ... mine

Hugo Schwyzer: "Don't ask, don't tell" and the right to a private history

once, when i wasn't paying attention, i told a friend of mine (we were in that getting to know you stage) a story about how i had met someone else. it was a funny story and was actually connected to our conversation, but it made him stop and ask about my past. the number, the who, the when, the where, the why - he even wanted to read the letters. i firmly refused to discuss it.

'this belongs to me', i said.
he insisted.
'you don't have the right to it, yet,' i said. 'my past is mine.'
he insisted.
i hung up. we're still good friends (never became more than that) and he perhaps is one of the few who know me well enough to know where my boundaries are. but my past is still mine.

this week on hugo, a discussion about the Number and the ethics of disclosing one's past to a partner. (follow up is here and the conversation has been picked up in other places, too.)

it's an especially good conversation about social mores, faith, relationships and privacy.