Monday, December 19, 2005

clearly, he's listening to the wrong conversations

this is what the President would hear if he eavesdropped on me and my roomie:

Roomie: uh, don't go in the kitchen.
Me: why?
R: i farted.
M: go stand over there! not here! over there!


M: i love project runway. i had a dream last night that nick was my best friend.
R: i dreamed trent lott was holding me prisoner and you killed him to rescue me.
M: you're so problematic. so would you kiss tom hanks?
R: mm, no. but he'd be a good husband, i think. but an asexual one.
M: i had a dream i was from outer space and my outer space brother and i settled in canada and, this is icky, we became lovers!! because we were from outer space!

(and still later)

R: it was totally your idea to buy the xbox.
M: it was not. you're the one who had a jones for it. i kept asking if you were sure!
R: but you weren't saying no! you seemed really excited about it!
M: because i didn't think you would do it! i would never goad you into buying something you didn't want!
R: but you did!
M: we so aren't talking about this anymore.
R: so. do you think president bush is a tool?
M: totally. (louder) president george w. bush is a tool.

[why is he a tool? because he he doesn't seem to know what the word 'legal' is: Bush Says U.S. Spy Program Is Legal and Essential]


Gwen Stefani said...

I think Georgy is Big Brother. . . (insert "Jaws" music here)

Wasp Jerky said...

Yeah, I was thinking that, since they want to know what we're all talking about so badly, maybe we should all start recording aimless conversations and sending them to the White House. With a concentrated effort, we could send truckloads of CDs and tapes their way. Fun!

ding said...

i think that's a fabulous idea. i mean it.

LutheranChik said...

I'd love to send the taped conversations at my house, which are mostly me shouting repeated comments to my hard-of-hearing 80-something mom, and scintillating conversations with my dog. A sample of the latter:

"What are you doing?"

(long pause)

"Are you doing something bad?"

(shorter pause)

"Do you have to go out? Do you have to go poop?"

(one-sided discussion of poop)

"Come on out...come on...come on..."

I pity the NSA agent assigned to my eavesdropping.;-)

ding said...

i really think we all need to tape our conversations and send them to the white house as a christmas gift. they don't have to spy on us surreptitiously.

all they have to do is ask!