Tuesday, June 26, 2007

baby daddies are dangerous

first, did you know that the second biggest injury-related killer of pregnant women is homicide?

i'm sure you've read the news stories about that pregnant woman in ohio, jessi davis, who was killed by her boyfriend and found in a field. and then about that woman and her kids killed in illinois by her husband. what's up with men?? you have issues and the first thing you do is murder your girlfriend and kids?

it boggles the freaking mind. these stories of murdered women build up and sometimes it makes you look at the other half of the population all aslant.

this woman wrote her boyfriend a note in response to these latest stories of domestic violence against women:

If for some reason I am pregnant, and you suddenly realize that I am just days away from delivering, don't kill me. I know you might not be "ready" to be a father, but there are better ways out of it. Of course I would prefer it if you were a loving and supportive husband and father, but you might freak out. Maybe you're having an affair. Now being a man, you won't think things through. Killing me is NOT an option. Counseling IS an option. You do realize you would be the first person police questioned if I were to go missing right?

If you must be rid of me, just up and leave. I'll go home to live with my dad, or find solace in the arms of a best friend. But I will be alive, and that's the clincher. I'd rather be a single mom on welfare than found murdered in the wilderness.

when my dad was visiting, he got embroiled in a rather heated group discussion with my girlfriends about our singleness. (because we are all speaking english but busing it differently, it's a futile conversation; but we keep having it and my girlfriends are gracious enough to indulge.)

but his constant refrain, which kept puzzling us, was "be a woman."

we had no idea what that meant. i mean, we have ovaries. we're women. there's no escaping that simple, biological fact.

oh, be 'feminine!' that's what he means!
well, i have an issue with that, too.
a girl friend told us (including my dad) the story of walking her dog in her 'hood. she passed this guy also walking his dog and he just got all aggressive on her and called her a dumb bitch and got in her face; she got back in his. my dad said that the correct response would have been to go soft and demure. uh, no. here in the city, you come at me, i come at you back.

if i took my dad's advice i guess i should have let that drunk guy bust in on me in the bathroom at a party some years ago. i should have let him intimidate me and publicly humiliate me. i should have gone all soft and giggly while he physically threatened me instead of defending myself while hurling a wooden brush through the air and knocking him on his ass.

but to look at the larger culture, i guess 'being a woman' also means 'being killed.'

thanks, i'd rather not.

[post corrected to be more accurate - thanks, lilith!]


Té la mà Maria said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lilith said...

Hi, I found your blog through feministing.com, and I like it, I'm really with you on a lot of this stuff. But I did want to point out that the article you linked to doesn't say that "the biggest killer of pregnant women is homicide." It says that the second biggest injury-related killer of pregnant women is homicide, which means homicide comes after medical complications and car accidents. I don't want to downplay this issue at all, I just want to get the facts right.

ding said...

thanks, lilith!
accuracy is good. (and this is an object lesson in posting while between projects at the office!)

super des said...

Hey thanks for reposting my note! And you're not the only one that reposted or referenced it, I had no idea it would make such an impact on people!

Lilith said...

you're welcome! (I can totally understand how a quick look at that article could have given you the wrong impression.) Keep up the good work : ).

ding said...

super des: your note was sharp and put the focus back on who we should all be talking about - the men to perpetuate this abuse (not that it's your boyfriend!).

instead, we have bill o'reilly blaming the dead women for being dead. how utterly contemptible is that?

lilith: thanks for the good words. hope you come back often!